I don’t know about you, but for my whole life, I’ve had an interesting relationship with vulnerability. Well… Complicated is more like it. I’ve always seen it as a weakness. A flaw. And this so called partnership was tenuous, to say the least. It felt like a far off concept my being couldn’t grasp. My brain got it, no brainer (see what I did there? 🙂 ) but there was this disconnect happening between that same brain and the rest of my being.
And up until recently, I had no idea how to connect with this “vulnerability”. I didn’t know how to be vulnerable. I thought it was something to be attained. Some rite of passage I would go through and it would finally pass through me. Penetrate through to my core. And I would know it. I would feel it.
The funny thing about it, about most things in life, really, is that they sneak up on you when you are most unaware. Very least suspecting. You couldn’t feel them if they hit you with a ten foot pole. At least, this was my experience with vulnerability.
Little by little, I began to notice how my own definition and attachment to what vulnerability “means” is transient and ever changing. But this awareness didn’t happen 3 years ago. It happened now. In a different head space. And this new found clarity led me to realize that my “unawareness” wasn’t really unawareness. It was merely my experience and my state of awareness/consciousness at that time in my life.
Albert Einstein once said,
“No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it.”
Oofda. Mind blown. #amirite?!
I’m not saying my disconnection to vulnerability was a problem. What I am saying is that our own, mine included, consciousnesses get in the way of confronting so many things in life. As humans, we tend to approach things from the same level of consciousness that creates those very barriers to begin with.
My unawareness was simply my consciousness at that present time. It wasn’t wrong or bad. It simply existed as it existed. And keeping in mind Einstein’s genius, I couldn’t see past this roadblock until I met it from a different state of consciousness. A different perspective.
Which, surprise surprise, I unknowingly have been doing the past 6 months.
I have unknowingly been approaching this topic of vulnerability from a WHOLE different angle. One of un-acknowledgement, if you will. Basically forgetting it existed and going about my day to day life in the absence of it. And little did I know that going about my days in this way would set in motion an incredible journey for me. One I’m only just now beginning to realize.
A cornerstone of this so called “journey” has been adapting the mindset of “The Art of Allowing-ness”. “What is that?” you might ask. Well, this concept is one that lends itself to the principles of simply letting oneself be. To exist. Not forcing what isn’t happening to be happening in that present moment. And I like to think that this mindset shift, unknowing as it might be, has helped to soften my heart enough to let larger amounts of vulnerability shine through. At times, purposefully, even.
Yet, I could never have known this had I kept using the same approach I always had. It took time and life experience. And a brand new mental state.
If you can believe it, I used to think of myself as an expert in vulnerability and the human condition. *cue audible laughter* I wish I were kidding. In my mind, I had chosen a profession where I had to expose my most vulnerable self at any given moment onstage and people had to connect with it. PLUS, I had the wonderfully impressive amount of student debt through two different programs to showcase this. #duh I was an expert.
But my point is that I was. I was an expert at that time in my life. Now, I like to think I may or may not be a little more so. A little wiser. A little more in tune with myself and the universe. A little more present with awareness and connection, allowing vulnerability to flow out without extra force or trying.
Now I try to include it in my everyday life. To sprinkle those “precious” moments throughout my days so I no longer hold on to them as being just that, precious.
Vulnerability doesn’t need to be put on a pedestal. It’s not a foreign entity to be gleaned every once in a blue moon. It can be tangible. And real. An everyday occurrence, if you will it to be.
And as Einstein pointed out, I wouldn’t have been able to fathom this and move past my own barrier had I kept approaching it in the same way.
Am I more vulnerable than I was 10 years ago? I have NO idea. Am I more aware and able to connect more freely and readily with people and my environment around me? Abso-freakin-lutely.
All it takes is a consciousness shift. Supes easy, right? 😉
Thanks Einstein, for blowing our minds again.
Hugs and High Fives,